


Interview with a Harlequin

by ClownPrincessHarley (orphan_account)



Category: Batman: The Animated Series, DCEU, Harleen - Fandom
Genre: I’m trying to practice writing her, Picking a fandom to put it under was hard though, it was fun, it’s sort of like every Harley thing I’ve consumed rolled into one so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22962952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ClownPrincessHarley
Summary: Harley Quinn doesn’t see psychologist, but one new Doctor thinks she can change that.
Kudos: 1





	Interview with a Harlequin

Everyone in my life thought I was crazy for moving to Gotham right out of college, especially since it was so far away from home, but how could I not. Gotham was a psychiatrists dream land. Everyone had issues and would need help, and there I would be, fresh off the presses with open ears and sound advice. 

I don’t know why I applied at Arkham. I think it was because they fully paid all insurance fees (and it was a top level insurance) and the pay was still great. I did it as a laugh, really. I’m was so certain I wouldn’t get the job, I almost just skipped the interview, but then I didn’t want to miss my once chance to get a look inside. 

So I went, and I got the job. They gave me their milder patients. I couldn’t go past the second floor, my badge wouldn’t allow it. But I wanted to see them. I know, it makes me sound awful, talking about the ah, residents of Arkham that way, like they were caged animals in a strange zoo, but in reality, it’s what they were. 

Working at Arkham felt lonely. I don’t know if it was the way the guards had a hard time looking at me, or the way I would catch those same guards staring at me when they didn’t realize I was looking. They weren’t being creepy, nothing like that. It was like I was a ghost. 

And the doctors, well. The guards did speak to me when I spoke to them. But the other doctors, the ones who had been there before the administration change a little over a year ago, they pretended I didn’t exist. There were a few of us newbies, but even the other newbies had a lot more years of experience on me. They had transferred in. 

After a few months, I felt like an island. And if I was going to be a ghost, if I was going to be an island, I was at least going to have challenging work. And as luck would have it, I knew a new resident had been brought in just last night, and she would be a challenge: Harley Quinn. 

I looked through her files before I went to the director. They started shortly after the huge breakout that caused the administration change, but they were already long. She had been busy. And, it seemed, the doctor who had been seeing her had dropped her after her last escape. The only problem I faced was her clearance level. Everything else seemed in order - her previous diagnosis of DID comorbid with a whole list of others. It actually seemed straightforward. She just needed a little guidance. From the state of her file, no one had even asked about her past. Everything was from just a year ago to now. 

So I waked in the directors office one morning waiting for her arrival. She jumped when she saw me and it took her a moment to catch her breath. “Doctor Rowe, I would appreciate a warning next time.” She glanced at me and then looked away. I don’t know what I had done to anyone here, but no one could stand me. 

“Sorry, Director.” Could I talk to her about what I wanted when she couldn’t even look me in the face. “I needed to meet with you.” I hadn’t actually planned what I wanted to say. “I have had a very rough time getting settled in here at Arkham. It isn’t the patients, but the staff. No one can seem to look at me, or talk to me.” I took a deep breath. “And that’s fine. I’m here for work, not socialization. But I want a more challenging case load, Director.”

We sat in silence for a moment. I watched her sigh and force herself to look at me. “I was afraid of this when I hired you. I almost didn’t, you know. But my reasoning wasn’t fair, so against my better judgement, I did.”

My stomach sank. She hadn’t wanted to hire me?

“There are a few things you don’t know, Dr. Rowe. One is that you have a striking similarity to another doctor we...lost, during the mass breakout. I was still just a psychiatrist then, no where near becoming Director. Or so I thought.” She frowned. “She was doing what we all thought was good work. She made a lot of headway with our highest level patients. She was young, and eager, like you, and she was making strides. We didn’t really make her life easy, and none of us can forgive ourselves for it.” The director swallowed. “Especially after that night.”

Silence fell over the office again. I didn’t know how to respond to that, and honestly I didn’t care to hear. She wasn’t my patient. “Director, can I be give a higher level resident? Something to fill the empty time I have?”

“All of our higher-levels have their doctors already. If someone is dropped, I’ll let you know.” The way she said it was a dismissal. She was already reaching for her files. 

“Harley Quinn doesn’t have a doctor.”

She looked me then, looked me in the eyes. “Harley Quinn is here to be contained, not treated. She is also one of our highest security inmates.”

“Director, please. I’ve read all of her files and none of the real work needed has been done. I’m sure she can be helped.”

The director looked down at her desk and laughed. “One. You get one session with her. Don’t plan anything else for that day, because it will be your only one. I’ll set it up for you.”

So my fight was won. The next week, I was seated in front of Harley Quinn. Her hair was in pristine pig tails, one dyed back and the other red. Her eyes were narrowed slightly as she studied me from across the table. She wasn’t in a straight jacket, thankfully, but she was cuffed and shackled. And there was a guard in the room. With a gun.

‘Ms. Quinn,” I started with a smile.

“Call me Harley, every one does.” She grinned at me. “And you probably shouldn’t smile too much around here. Trust me on that one.”

“Right,” I said. She sat and watched me, like this was a chess game and she was waiting for my next move. “Harley. I’ve been looking through your file.”

She leaned forward, and the guard shifted. I saw her tense but otherwise ignore him as she looked me square in the eyes. “DID, PTSD, so many other things. I think they even tacked on ADHD.” She laughed. “I’m not ADHD, by the way. The other stuff, sure, I can give it as pass.” The laughter faded from her face when I didn’t respond. She sat back again. “Why are you really here? I don’t want to be seen by a doctor. I can take care of myself.”

I felt a chill down my spine. She went from fun and playful to ridged and cold so quickly. I swallowed. I found her eyes and was surprised to find no malice in them. “Harley, I’m here to help.”

Harley shook her head. A serious Harley was almost scary. “Nope. I think you’re here to learn. So doc, let me learn ya.” She shoulders feel and she laid her hands on the table. “I’ll tell you whatever you wanna know.”

This is not how my sessions with anyone usually went and it had me a little off balance. “None of your records mention your past. Your childhood or even your adulthood from before you came onto the crime scene.”

Harley’s eyebrows arched. “You don’t know who I am.” It wasn’t a question. “No one told you anything?”

“That’s what these sessions are for.”

She turned and looked at her guard. “Seriously? No one had the balls to tell the new kid? Shame on all of you.”

To my surprised, the guard looked a little guilty. 

“Doctor Rowe, let me paint you a picture, okay. A young, blonde, attractive Doctor applies to Arkham. She knows she can help these people. She has a plan, a theory, and she just needs someone to help her get there. And they do! She’s doing what she always dreamed of. She’s making progress with some of the highest security inmates like Poison Ivy and even the Joker.” 

She laughed here. “Well, she thinks she’s making progress with Mr. J, anyway. No, really, she’s falling into him, into his insanity, into his terror. And one night, there’s a mass breakout. That young, hopeful doctor, she rushes to Arkham to save him, because she had fallen in love.” Her hands ball into fists. 

I’m about to ask her what she’s thinking, to probe for more information if she’s willing to share, when she unclenches her hands. “Have you handled a gun, Doctor? I know they’re training all the new staff on how to safely handle a firearm.” She takes a deep breath. “I killed a good man during that breakout. He had pulled a gun on Mr. J, and I couldn’t let him kill him. I just wanted him to stop pointing a gun at him, so i picked one up. I had never even touched a gun before. I didn’t know anything about trigger safety. I shot him right in the temple.” She took a deep breath. “He had been the only person who was nice to me here. He was my only friend here, and I had killed him. I became Harley Quinn that night, Doctor. Traded my lab coat and badge for a bodysuit and face paint.”

It takes a second for all of what she said to catch up to me. “You were a doctor here?”

She clears her throat, straightens her back, puts on a rather charming smile, and extends her hands as far as her restraints will allow. “Doctor Harleen Quinzel, at your service.” When I didn’t take her hand, she let it drop to the table. “I’m only here to tell you everyone in here is a lost cause. That’s what I’m supposed to do. They aren’t Doctor Rowe. There is hope for some of them, like Pam-a-lamb, and Riddler, and Deadshot and a couple others. I know how to fix myself, but I won’t.”

My mind was still reeling from everything she had said, but I only had this one shot to talk to her, so I intended to make the most of it. “Why?”

She shot me an unreadable smile. “I’m in Arkham. I’m crazy. Isn’t that answer enough?” 

Maybe it should have been, but it wasn’t. She was deflecting. “You said you would tell me what I wanted to know.”

“I’ll tell you what you need to know.” Her brow furrowed and she leaned forward again. “Find yourself a hobby, and friends outside here. Get yourself a life outside of here. Don’t let anything in here consume you. Get the blithe uncaring attitude the others have. Protect yourself from here.” She sat back Trust me doc, this place has a way of chewing you up and making you say thank you.” 

She stood so suddenly I nearly let out a yelp. “I’m done. Take me home, please.” The guard walked over to the door, but I couldn’t let her go. I needed to know more. 

“Wait, please.” She stopped and looked back at me, an almost sad look on her face. “You’ve been with the Joker, Mr. J, for so long now. Have you cracked him?”

She grinned. “He’s perfectly sane. He’s a psychopath, sure, but there ain’t actually anything wrong with him.” The door opened and she was being ushered out, but stopped. “Oh, and doc? Don’t follow anyone down any rabbit holes.”

I sat there for more than five minutes. That hadn’t been anything that I had wanted, anything I had planned. None of my questions had been answered but I was left with so many more. But I knew one thing. 

I would crack the case of Harley Quinn if it was the last thing I did.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I posted this a minute a go but i don’t see it anywhere so. Here it is again. It’s unedited and my first try at Harley or anything DC, so constructive Crit is welcome. Thanks for reading and I hope to see you again soon!


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